What’s wrong with Europe

Understanding Europe

We’ve been here over a month now, and today I was struck with a new level of understanding regarding culture on this continent.

Spain

In Spain, everyone keeps Iberian Time. They get up late, go to bed late, eat dinner late and then wonder why they all need a nap in the middle of the afternoon. With all this going on, they want to be more like Germany… they desire a stronger economy and all that comes with it. At the same time, Barcelona was complaining last month that they had too much tourism! What the heck?

Germany

Speaking of the Germans, everyone knows how uptight they all are. They’ve got this Teutonic thing going and it seems like they want to be the boss of Europe. They all want to go to Spain because they want to have a chance to act all laid back in Barcelona for a few weeks so they can then go back to being…, well, German.

France

And then you have the French. I know you’ve all heard the common jokes about the French. Admit it, some of you have actually laughed at them or passed them on yourselves. Like Germany, they want to be the boss. They get grouchy because no one lets them be the boss and they make that “pweffpew” sound and turn up their nose.

Crackers

So what’s the common problem? It crackers. Nowhere can you find decent crackers. We Americans take Wheat Thins, Triscuits, Ritz Crackers and various other kinds of crackers for granted. We ‘assume’ that everyone has access to these… WRONG!

Keebler makes Club Crackers, Cheez-its, and TownHouse crackers. Nabisco has their own trove of quality – Ritz Crackers, Graham Crackers, Sociables, Vegetable Thins, etc. The crackers we can buy over here in Europe (‘somewhat limited’ in Julie’s parlance), to me, make dry toast look like a breakfast sandwich at Tavern on the Green.

The Cracker Solution

If the Europeans had access to quality crackers, they could take this great array of cheeses they have and turn them into incredible snacks or even dinner! Rather than sleeping their afternoon away, the Spaniards would be looking forward to appetizers of crackers and cheese with their amazing red wines! The French and their pate would have something other than baguette to smear brie on. (Pate with an excus-eyou on the end, a squiggly line climbing like an eagle over the letter ‘e’, according to Sharon Lally, our local expert on the French culture).

We should appoint the Keebler CEO as the ambassador to the European Union and the CEO to of Nabisco as the ambassador to France. Can you imagine how the French would rally around Vegetable Thins with brie?!? We’d have them, literally, eating out of the palm of our hand! Vive la Craquelins Américain!!!

(Long Live American Crackers!!!)